We brought her home the other day. Our little daughter that is. She is so tiny she makes her brother seem like he is far closer to adulthood than I would like. Everyone always told me life moves quickly, and they were all right. It did not move quickly as a child, but it does now. As I age more I imagine it will move even faster.
Such a thought is equally sobering and horrifying. It is sobering in that I know that now, and therefore should not be surprised when I find myself with far fewer years to live than I have lived. It will happen. It will come up fast. Somehow it will be a surprise, because it seems to surprise everyone. “Where’d the time go?” I’ve heard so many ask. “How’d I get to be so old?” is the same sentiment asked another way.
It is sobering because it means that I know I should pay attention. I should enjoy the time I can get on the webcam with my parents or better yet I should visit more because one day I will not. Not because I will not want to, but because I will not be able to do so. I should enjoy watching my little daughter move and squirm around, and the way her eyes take in everything. I should enjoy the way my son becomes a boy because one day he will be man. I should enjoy the way clouds move in the sky. The way a Sunday service is always unique. The way people smile when helping others. I should pay attention because it is all fleeting, momentary, and worthy of my attention. I should pay attention because somewhere right now God is at work.
Yet this thought is horrifying because while I know I should do all of these things, I probably will not. I still struggle not to check my e-mails when I am having a phone conversation. I still think about what I have to do during the day when my son is talking to me over breakfast. I still am always trying to stay two-steps ahead of whatever life will throw at me. All I am doing is losing the moments I have. One day I will say with actual puzzlement, “Where’d the time go?” or “How’d I get to be so old?”
Well the time is going on right now. Somewhere my wife is playing with our little girl. Somewhere my son is running around. Somewhere a prayer is being uttered and it might be for me. Somewhere a smile is beginning. Somewhere the wind begins to blow through the leaves and braches of a mighty tree. I will not be able to see it all, but wherever I am, if I pay attention, I will be able to see something. Perhaps it is an awful sight or possibly a great one, but it is there!
A woman dying of cancer told me about the last time she went to the beach. She described the waves, the sound, the smell. The way her feet went into sand as she stood at the cusp between the shore and the ocean. She saw a crab disappear into the sand. She smiled as she told me about what her husband looked like searching for a shell to take home with them.
Two days after telling me about this she died. And maybe she wondered where the time went and maybe she did not. Alas there was a moment she had at the beach that transcended time, and God smiled. In that moment she lived eternally if only because she lived in the moment.
I need to stop writing. I need to turn off my e-mail updates, and facebook pushes, and… it is time for me to have a moment, because it is here where God is.
Riding the wave of the Holy Spirit,
Garrett
1 comment:
Beautiful piece. Very, very relevant to my life. Reminds me of B.J. Thomas' song, "I Need to Be Still (and Let God Love Me)." Thanks for your wonderful writing (and spirit).
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